Saying Goodbye to Someone You Love

There are signs to watch for when death is near.    It can be helpful if you understand the dying process. We want to help you in comforting your loved one.   As the final minutes get closer, the greatest gift of love you have to offer is comfort, support, and understanding.

What are the signs that a person is near death?

  • Sleeping more

  • Stop talking

  • Eating or drinking less

  • Trouble swallowing

  • Confused or restless

  • Swelling in arms or legs

  • Slow or irregular breathing

  • Pain gets better or worse

  • Skin feels cool to touch

  • Skin color changes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Why does my loved one not want to eat or drink as much during the dying process?

The body is saving energy. It takes effort to eat and drink.   It becomes hard for the body  to process food and water as it stops working. Sometimes eating or drinking can cause pain, nausea, or fluid buildup.  If your loved one is not hungry or thirsty, that is okay. 

Why might we hear a “death rattle”?

Near the end of life, swallowing muscles are very weak. Saliva sometimes will stay in the back of the throat.  During breathing, the saliva will make a rattling noise in the back of the throat. It is a very normal part of the dying process. There are some medicines that can help.

Why might my loved one have color changes?

As the heart begins to slow, the blood going to the arms, hands, legs, and feet slows down.  The skin may turn a bluish color and feel cool to the touch. 

What can I do?

  • Talk with the nurses and doctors about your questions and worries.

  • Allow the person to sleep as much as he or she wishes

  • Continue to touch and stay close to your loved one.

  • Continue to talk to the person and say the things you need or want to say. Hearing is thought to remain even though your loved one may not seem awake.  It can be comforting to tell stories or talk about familiar people. Play the person’s favorite music or TV show.

  • Keep things calm in the environment

  • Give your loved one permission to go whenever they are ready and say “goodbye” to make the final release possible. Tears are normal during times of love and sadness. It may take several hours or days to complete this task.

How will we know death has occurred?

The signs of death include pale color, no breathing, no heartbeat, and no response. Even though you may be prepared in advance, the actual moment of death may be very difficult. Lean on other friends, family, and the health care team to help you. . They can assist you with further arrangements when appropriate.